On loss & being selfish

I recently had to give up something that was very significant to me. It was in part my decision, though I often feel as if I didn't have much choice in the matter. It's not the first time that I've had to sacrifice in exchange of something [hopefully] better. I like to just think of it as me giving up my own comfort and joy for the betterment of someone else.

Selfless and noble sounding.

But I think what I've really come to realize in all of this is that I am so unbelievably selfish. I always knew I was, but my utterly and overly human trait manifests itself once again in this situation. The bitterness I quietly harbor is what negates any hint of a selfless thought or act.



I could probably go on about this [as I often do about many things (what a verbose child)], drawing upon other past experiences even deeper rooted in my being than this situation. But why bother. The point is that we often lose -- and for me, I have a strongly bitter and selfish reaction to loss, reflective of my inability to just accept things with patience, understanding, and humility.



More discipline and prayer needed.